I don't know why I'm getting worked up about going back to Uni already. I've got about 2 months to go before I return to the dregs of the earth that is University and I'm already feeling anxious. Its as though the last few months have been so sublime, my mind so clear and I am beginning to feel the dark cloud of University edge its way into my blissfully content holiday. The trepidation of University is beginning to rear its ugly head.

I say I dont know why but I have a fairly good idea as to why I'm feeling like this now. I have spent the last few weeks in full reminiscent mode. The weeks have been spent being reunited in London with best friends to celebrate a year since we all left school and went our separate ways. The days were filled with nostalgia, drinking at the same old pub and laughing at the same old jokes. At the pinnacle of this reunion was the school's graduation party. Here, I wallowed in the pleasure of attending the party with Boyfriend. It felt so good to have someone escort me to the station when I had to go home, someone to walk into the room arm in arm with and someone to tell me I looked beautiful even after one too many vodkas. It felt even better to go to bed knowing it wasnt going to be another few months until I saw him again. We've spent the last few days in a lovely country house hotel. After three months apart it all felt strangely familiar to just potter around with him, not doing anything particularly captivating, just mundane pastimes such as reading The Times together and drinking wine. I always feel as though when we've been apart for so long, we shouldnt be reading the papers or watching tv, we should be having endless, deep conversations, trying to fit into a week what we have missed out on for the last few months. He doesn't feel remotely perturbed by us sometimes sitting in silence each doing different things. I am undecided as to whether to be concerned about this. Should I be celebrating his comfort in my presence, the sign intimacy in our relationship? Or should I interpret this as a lack of interest and distinctly poor effort? Either way, any doubts I had as to whether I wanted to continue participating in a long distance relationhip have been quashed by an overwhelming wave of love that has washed over me. I have fallen in love with him all over again. Perhaps it was the way he wrapped his arms around me so tightly on the walk back from the pub and didn't let go until we reached home.

I am now left with an awful sense of emptiness. Thats what I hate about really looking forward to something. Once it's over, I feel so...hollow. And this is why the inkling of angst about Uni is beginning to impair my contented outlook I have reveled in over the last few months. Suddenly the flurry of excitement I have been frolicking around in has settled and paved the way for everything I have enjoyed not being around come creeping back. Infringing on my happy bubble of London, friends, laughter and cocktails is the dismal scene of Guildford, snakebite and textbooks.

Still, one of my friends returns from New York this weekend and I'm off to Zurich in a month so I'm going to focus on that for now and only let myself dread Uni when it really is time to.